2004.10.02

Evil Henchmen

23.17.56 - Mark

I want to know what motivates the evil henchmen, or even their evil overlords to hire them. I mean who has ever seen a movie, TV show, or comic with evil henchmen that had much of anything.

They are constantly being put into danger, and are never trained because a force of 1 to 4 heros (however inept themselves) can overthrow vast armies. That's not a lack of knowledge in upper-management either, since the leaders always escape. Presumably they don't get any health benefits, any minor injury kills them off. I won't even get into the mental health issues that must come into play.

They've got to be frustrated as well - they're given names are completely ignored, its always "Hey You!", "Henchmen!", and "You imbeciles". You've got to guess that the lifestyle isn't that great. Cramped, shared, living quarters, usually located near dangerous materials nuclear material - weapon or generator, chemical weapons, or walls lined with regular ordinance - who has ever hear of a evil lair without a self-destruct feature. Weapons all over the place. Locations are never enjoyable, always a volcano, underwater, or in some other remote undeveloped area.

Then you've got the long days suffering though evil overlord speeches or getting shot at - or both. Depending on the Evil intentions there's a strong chance they don't get paid. I mean what's the point in getting a paycheck in any given currency when your job is to destroy the country behind it? There's no personal say. Same uniform every day, and its usually something over the top, depending on the evil overlord's specific fetish.

With every major government pissed off at your organization of choice you can't exactly use it as a pickup line. Its not something you can point on a resume either. The position of henchmen isn't exactly a position that can transfer out. You don't get fired, you get shot, you don't quit, you get shot. Promotion isn't a good thing either, it only seems that it increase your chances of getting shot.

Even the cause can't be that good. Usually the goal is to rule the world, and the types that go after that don't share much if at all. So why bother being a henchmen? Wouldn't it be better to become an evil leader, make a partnership and find your own elite forces so you can get close to evil overlord X and kill him when he's accomplished his goal.

So what's the point? No benefits, no money, great personal risk. Maybe henchmen are just a bunch of out-of-work comedians and jocks who can't find an work any other way.

I guess it could be mind control, but it can't be possible for ever evil overlord out there to have mind control abilities, can it?

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